(Or how to get what you want while maintaining good relationships with people.)

Lately, I have seen bunch of articles about how people are now refusing to take coffee meetings. Mostly, they seem to argue that they are a waste of time. And yes, oftentimes they are...but mostly because people don't practice the art of the coffee meeting. Yes, I think there's an art to it and most people are not aware of it.

When people are not practicing the art of the coffee meeting, what they are doing is not being respectful and appreciative of the relationship they have with the person they are asking to the coffee date. But by being artful about it, you are actually making it more likely that not only may you get something you want from the meeting, but you will also maintain and even strengthen your relationship.

When there is no art,  what often happens is that people just ask for something (let's meet for coffee so that I can "pick your brain") and then, having achieved what THEY want, they leave the other person used.

There's a few rules to asking for a meeting (coffee or otherwise) and there's a way to make it even better.

So, this past Friday, I had a coffee meeting. But it achieved nothing for either party. This is what happened: "Jane" contacted me through LinkedIn. She is someone I have met a couple of times before and who recently started a new job, in a different industry. She had been in PR, and I was not sure if she had been laid off from her PR job, and now wanted to get back in. I figured she was contacting me to discuss career stuff. Also, she made it seem as though she was looking to catch up, on a friendly basis. Well, after an hour and a half of chatting, it turns out Jane really wanted to sell me on her new financial planning business. Except she never asked. When we were saying goodbye, and I mentioned that it would be nice to have another chat, she hemmed and hawed. It became clear to me (finally) that she was not being friendly, but rather, very indirect in her search for new business.

<strong>Rule #1: Be clear as to you intentions. Ask for what you want. Don't be opaque. Make it an art: Learn how to ask and be friendly at the same time.</strong>

A couple years ago I got another note through LinkedIn from someone I had met once. She wondered if I had time to speak. She was very business-like and set up a half-hour. We spoke on the phone for exactly 30 minutes. To the point she cut me off telling me she had to go.

<strong>Rule #2: Be respectful of people's time. If you say you want to talk for an hour, it better just be an hour. Make it an art: Determine the situation. If you have time, and the conversation is going well, perhaps you can run over and avoid cutting off a person).
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