We can talk all we want about communications strategies and tactics, but if we don't master interpersonal communications, we aren't going to achieve any positive results. And in a sense, all of it, macro and micro communications, boils down to saying the right thing at the right time and in the right amount. Of course, "right" is subjective. What is right for one person may not be right for someone else.

Let me give you some concrete examples of what I mean.

Generic LinkedIn invitations--saying too little

I get two or three generic LinkedIn invitations every week, 99% of them are from people I don't know and/or have never met. Sometimes they know someone I know. Sometimes.  These people, whom I don't know, are incapable of giving me a reason for connecting. The say too little. If they threw in a line saying why they are interested in connecting, perhaps I would go ahead and accept their invitation.

Saying too much

Last week, I had an exchange on Twitter with someone I know who works at a nonprofit organization I have supported in the past. He was making some political statements that I didn't agree with, and asked him about it. He didn't answer my question, but rather launched into a barrage of tweets, which he publicized to his entire stream (put my handle at the end of the tweet). In a private message, I called him on his behavior. He then sent me six or seven direct messages defending himself. And then he re-tweeted one of my tweets to his stream, and hashtagged it. Predictably, one of his followers called me a "hater" based on this. I was irate. I wrote this person a two-line email pointing out that I was now being attacked online thanks to his use of Twitter. He wrote back a nine paragraph (long paragraphs too) email. Two lines from me elicited nine paragraphs of defensive and extraneous commentary from him.  He said too much. And he didn't say what I would have wanted him to say, that is, that he was sorry. Instead, he told me all about his rights to express himself, and how he only cares about what his partner thinks, and about his health issues, etc. etc. Way too much information. Way out of line. He made the whole thing worse.

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