Yesterday, I came across this article on ThriveGlobal: <a href="https://thriveglobal.com/stories/communication-mistakes-lead-to-toxic-workplace-feeling/?utm_content=bufferc6c78&amp;utm_medium=Arianna&amp;utm_source=LinkedIn" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"3 Communication Mistakes that Lead to a Toxic-feeling Workplace."</a> The article addresses  interpersonal communications. The first mistake discussed really stood out to me. Here is the excerpt:
<blockquote><strong>Not being mindful of how your words land</strong>

A large portion of what we say stems from how we read the present situation, and our sense of self-awareness plays a vital role in our everyday conversations. According to a <a href="https://psyarxiv.com/sg5aw/">recent study</a> conducted by a group of psychologists at the University of California, Davis, many people don’t realize they’re being rude when they’re perceived as such, suggesting blind spots in our self-insight that can prompt miscommunications at work. The study’s findings highlight the importance of listening to yourself when you’re talking to others. If you hear what you’re saying and think you might be offended if someone said the same to you, it’s worth rephrasing and communicating your point differently.</blockquote>
I am sure we all have experienced people saying things to us in an awkward or rude way that made us feel not so great. We may have gotten angry or offended.  And many times, what these people were saying was not the problem so much as how they said it.

The rude garage repair guy

It happened to me a few weeks ago. My garage door remote wasn't working, and I called a garage door repair guy (recommended by a friend). He sold me a new remote, and also "serviced" the door (oiling the cables mostly). He warned me that he wasn't able to repair my type of motor because it lacked sensors and it wasn't up to code. He repeated this warning several times. Two days after he was at my house, I pulled up to my garage and the door would only open half-way. I called the repair guy and asked him to come urgently, since I was leaving the next day and didn't want to leave my car outside. He proceeded to tell me that he had been working since 7 am and hadn't had lunch, but quite reluctantly agreed to come by, saying he would have to charge me for the visit.

When he arrived, he kept saying that he had told me he didn't repair my type of motor. The issue, however, was with the cable attached to the door. However, in his world the entire structure of cable and motor were all called "the motor."  He told me there was defect in this type of "motor" and that it  happened frequently. I told him that in eight years that I have owned this house, this had never happened. He then said I was accusing him of doing something to the door. In a sense, I was. I didn't have this problem before he came, and now I did. He got very angry and removed the defective piece all while telling me over and over again that he is not supposed to repair this motor. I told him I would NOT be reporting him anywhere. He left in a huff, and didn't charge me. He also told me that I didn't need to call him again. As if I would.

After he left, I was angry. I resented this guy's rudeness and lack of customer service. And I couldn't help but think that his warnings about not being able to work on my motor were just a convenient way for him to then sell me a new motor. After all, he works for himself so he is not beholden to a boss or a company policy. There was literally no way that there would be any repercussions for him working on this.

This whole incident was one glaring example of "it's not what you say, but how you say it." If he had said something like this: "I know this seems related to my visit the other day, but it is an unfortunate coincidence. There's this piece that sometimes acts up, and it's chosen to act up today. Although it is part of your motor, and as a rule I don't work on these, I will make a exception since it is such a small deal and I was just here not two days ago. " If he had said that, then we would have been in a better situation. But he didn't. And many people do not stop to think before they communicate. Unfortunately, if you are in marketing or in customer service of any sort, you have to think about what you are saying and how you are saying it.

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<strong>Because it's not just what you say, but how you say it.</strong>

When writing marketing materials, you are concerned with the words you choose, the messages you deliver. But you should also be concerned with tone and presentation. How is your message coming across? What kind of emotion are you engendering?

Are you being rude? Are you causing negative emotions (anger, frustration, embarrassment) in your audience?