Friends, I got a spam email today that just has to be read to be believed. Here it is in its entirety, my comments below:
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dear business owner of deborahbrody.com
</span></span></p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">Your <span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">deborahbrody.com</span></span> business is losing THOUSANDS of DOLLARS every year, maybe more!</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">Why? How?</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">Your credit card processor HIDES THEIR FEES. Don’t believe it? Check your statement, I’m sure you will be just as confused as the next business owner.</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;"> <span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">DO NOT WORRY – I have the solution as I just saved a similar to your business in your street about $5700 in yearly credit card processing fees. The guy is so happy – I have the same offer for you!</span></span>

<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">I’m a business consultant specialist and this offer isn’t available for everyone. Only for <span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">deborahbrody.com</span></span> – FOR FREE. Cost to you is NOTHING but 5 minutes of your time.</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">If you are interested, just let me know and I’ll provide more information for you. I apologize if this email is an inconvenience, I just know what I have done for others in your business, and didn’t want you to miss too good of an opportunity in.</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">There are only so many your type of business we can sign up though – so if you are going to do it, I’ll need to hear from you now.</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">Oh yeah, I know the area where you are located, know it pretty well actually.</p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;"> <span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">Thanks for your time!</span></span>

<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;"><span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">Cheers!</span></span></p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;">J<span style="font-size: small;">essica</span></p>
<p lang="zxx" style="padding-left: 30px;"><span style="font-family: Ver;"><span style="font-size: small;">Business Consultant</span></span></p>
<p lang="zxx">This could be a textbook example of how not to send an query/pitch letter. Here's what's wrong:</p>
<p lang="zxx">1. <strong>No personalization.</strong>  If "Jessica" can find my website, she can also find my name.</p>
<p lang="zxx">2. <strong>Making (wrong) assumptions.</strong> I am losing thousands in credit card fees? Do I even do any credit card processing? And would I be confused by fees?</p>
<p lang="zxx">3. <strong>Poor grammar.</strong> There aren't any spelling mistakes, but "Jessica" certainly did not get an A in her high school English class with this sentence "didn’t want you to miss too good of an opportunity in."</p>
<p lang="zxx">4. <strong>Being too informal.</strong> "Oh yeah, I know the area where you are located, know it pretty well actually."(Also, what is that supposed to mean and why is it relevant?)</p>
5. <strong>Being shady</strong>. Notice "Jessica" does not say what she actually does. She also doesn't provide any contact information, business name or anything else.

6. <strong>Insulting my intelligence. </strong> Five minutes of my time is all I need to save thousands. I am sure she also has bridges in Brooklyn for sale for cheap.

The only reason I did not immediate delete this email is because I thought it would make a great blog post.

Have you received these types of emails? What makes you cringe? Please share!

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